中考英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作精彩點(diǎn)評(píng)與修改

　　中考英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作精彩點(diǎn)評(píng)與修改（二）  原文修改如下：

　　Dear Peter,

　　（第一段：提出要求。1-2句）

　　I am writing to ask whether you are able to do favor.

　�。ā白屇橙藥兔Α笨梢员磉_(dá)成do sb. a favor. 可以改成：I am writing to ask whether you are able to do me a favor.）

　　（第二段：說(shuō)明理由。5-7句）

　　I want to get a good pen friend. I would like you introduce a penfriend to me. (請(qǐng)求的內(nèi)容要簡(jiǎn)潔明了，可以合并成一句話：I would like you to introduce a good pen pal to me.) First of all, She must be a girl in her early years. （沒(méi)有說(shuō)明原因，為什么找一個(gè)和我年齡相仿的筆友。可以改成：First of all, she must be a girl about my own age, who can communicate with me better than anyone else.）My hobby is traveling and playing badminton. For our communication, I hope she likes the things as I like. And I also like small pet. (這三句話表示希望筆友能有和我一樣的愛(ài)好，但是是寫(xiě)的太零散了，邏輯性不強(qiáng)，最好用復(fù)合句來(lái)替換多個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單句。可以改成：Furthermore，she is supposed to have the same hobbies as mine, such as traveling, playing badminton, and raising small pets. 在表達(dá)時(shí)，注意先總后分，先說(shuō)希望她擁有和我一樣的愛(ài)好，再說(shuō)這些愛(ài)好具體是什么。千萬(wàn)不要倒置次序。)

　�。ǖ谌�段：重申要求。1-2句）

　　If you can help me finding an English penfiaend. that’s the best. (最好用這個(gè)句型：I would appreciate it very much if …, “如果……, 我將感激不盡�！笨梢愿某桑篒 would appreciate it very much if you can help me find an English pen friend.) I can write to her to know her culture and improve my English Maybe in holiday. I can go to her country for a travel. (這句話不應(yīng)該出現(xiàn)在這里，把它作為我找筆友的第三條要求, 放到第二段的末尾，就顯的更合理一些�！傲私狻睉�(yīng)該表達(dá)成：know about。整個(gè)句子可以改成：Finally，she is expected to be an English native speaker so that I can write to her to know about her culture and improve my English.)

　　I’ m looking forwards to your news. （很好！結(jié)語(yǔ)寒暄。）

　　Sincerely

　　Yours，

　　點(diǎn)評(píng)：

　　這篇文章總體寫(xiě)的不錯(cuò)！結(jié)構(gòu)，內(nèi)容沒(méi)有問(wèn)題。語(yǔ)言的組織力度不夠強(qiáng)，第二段的邏輯層次有點(diǎn)亂。繼續(xù)加油！作文上需要投入點(diǎn)時(shí)間和精力。劉曉偉的主頁(yè) | 查看全部日志

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